Lost

There is no glamour or great philosophy in being lost..

There is no poetry or heart touching song in feeling lost..

Being lost is that state of mind when the eyes that stare back doesnt recongnize its owner

I knocked on all doors to find my way back..

People gave me directions that I couldn't comprehend

The world seemed like an allien land where even the familiar dint seem so anymore

It was dark.. it was misleading and it hurt both physically and mentally

The fine line between sanity and its foe hadn't seemed so thin before

Fear latched on to me like a leech in a muddy stream

I hadnt lost my path but my destination had vanished somehow..

i kept reaching out for a helping hand but I couldnt trust the ones extended

I dint know what to do, where to go or whom to believe.. trust had eluded me.. faith had left

The only thing to do was to sit by that one solid rock.. the rock of uncertainity and wait for the fog to lift

How strange is life.. so easy to find someone to share a laugh but noone around to share the tremblings..

That is when a voice whispered weak but yet strong..

hold on to yourself and hold on to your own.. god has given you things in twos to hold to each other.. this too shall pass.. 

and if it doesnt whispered my trembling heart?

Then wait some more... whispered the voice weak yet strong

If nothing or noone stays forever, why should fear or uncertainity?

If good things always end then thers no surety of the bad as well..

If every silver lining is on a dark cloud, then the dark cloud is wanted as well..

Just hold to yourself.. give yourself love and laughter and patience and kindness.. believe in what you have always believed... trust what you have always trusted and love who u have always loved...

I could feel the tremblings come down...

I looked over the fog and the gleaming castle wall and shiny golden piers seemed aglow..

it was just over the fog of my fear.. it was always there.. waiting for me to see it.. 

I, princess of the land who had waited for eternity to be saved had finally found my knight in shining armour.. my knight stared at me through the clear waters.. my knight extended that one hand of freedom and the other hand took it...

I walked free and brave.. walked towards the castle walls.. as I was a Princess and I was lost no more...

The Bubble or the Gum

Most of us have heard of a bubblegum. Its a sweetmeat that is chewy and comes in various flavours. Often after a great deal of chewing this piece of sweetmeat or candy can be blown into a bubble. Please note that making a bubble is not something that everyone can do well. Some are great at it while others barely manage to. My interest is however not in the bubblegum but in the two words that make it up. Bubble and gum.

Aesthically a bubble is beautiful to look at. A transparent circle which floats in the air and disperses light to form rainbow colours. A bubble can be made using soapy water, from plastic or from certain types of gum. But the biggest challenge of a bubble is that it is very momentary. Before one can get to enjoy it fully, it ceases to exsist. Making a long lasting bubble is quite difficult and the most long lasting of bubbles are the ones made from plastic but they are far from authentic bubbles. Gum on the other hand is not so pretty to look at. Its tenacity is immense and it can last for a whole day, until the person chewing it decides to throw it out. A gum may lose its original taste but it doesnt lose it chewiness. Infact gum can be stretched out quite a bit till it begins to tear.

So why am I talking about bubble and gum? Well it was a conversation that I had with a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago that put this seed into my mind and after weeks of thinking about it, I have now decided to express it in words. My friend shared an unpleasant story with me. She told me about the time she lost one of her friends in a car crash and how terrible it was. She told me about how momentary the incident was and how long lasting the impacts have been. She also shared with me how her view of life has changed post that fatal incident. It was then that the thought struck me; life can be looked at and lived as either a bubble or gum!

Those who look at life like a bubble are the ones who appreciate how momentary things are and how quickly they can change. These are the people who live in the present and make the most out of today. They tend to be optimistic as they desire to get the best out of each day. However mostly these people are also the ones who donot like to save, or think too much about ten years from now. Their relationships, jobs and decisions are based more on today.

The gum people, or the ones who consider life to be like gum, look at life as a long journey and possibly prefer to plan and provide for tomorrow. They believe in not taking snap decisions or making reactive investments because they would like to provide for tomorrow. Mostly, their relationships and careers need long term decision making and their ability to live in the present is not so high. Now there is no right or wrong way of looking at life. There is nothing wrong about strtching life out like gum or living in the moment like a bubble. But when a gum person meets a bubble thats is when there are conflicts of interest and view points.

I am more of a gum person. I believe in planning and providing for the future because the thought of momemtariness is a scary one for me. Take a moment and think, are you a bubble or the gum? Whichever one you are remember that whether momentarily or endlessly, it should be a choice you have made cos you are the one who is going to live it through!

Are we celebrating enough?

As I walked through the Monash campus on a regular weekday evening, I crossed what can be said as one of the most beautiful areas of the Clayton campus. It's the area by the pond near the Arts library. What I love about this pond are the rocks around it where one can sit and enjoy the beauty of nature. Today, on the rocks stood a young boy, standing smiling and tall, beaming infact in his well ironed crisp shirt, tie and the black robe floating in the wind like a super hero's cape. I can infact say that he did look like he was going to fly off the that stone like superman and conquer the world. I couldnt help but pause and look at him as his family and friends were patting him on the back and clicking his photograph with his newly earned degree. It was a beautiful moment and I was sure that it would be a memorable one for him and his loved ones. I smiled and continued walking only to see many other recent graduates all dressed proudly in the signature black robe, carrying their degrees like the olympic torch or their bouquets like the winner of a Miss World pagent. As I saw this celebration happening around me, I couldn't help but think of celebrations in general and whether we have enough of them in our lives.

A graduation ceremony is a huge deal in any student's life. But many a times its is taken for granted as an event that should most definitely happen and is really nothing to celebrate about. The minute someone gets an admission into a course or a study program it is but inevitable that he/she must graduate successfully. That he/she has graduated doesn't mark a unique event but one that happens in the course of life. People who tend to follow this school of thought are the ones who are always under the stress to succeed and the ones who rarely celebrate these moments or events. In today's world, one can find a rat race in all aspects of life, whether it is in school, university or the corporate world. what gets lost in this rat race is the time to celebrate small and big achievements and milestones which infact marks our journey and rewards our efforts.

The other day I was speaking to a fellow university mate who had performed very well in her exams. I congratulated her and commented that she must be feeling very happy on her achievement. She said yes Im happy but nothing to celebrate about. I have always done well so this was kinda expected - I now need to figure out which masters program to apply for. As I heard her speak, I realised that she was a classic example of someone who has lost the ability to celebrate. It saddened me, infact scared me to think how it must be to become a person to whom success becomes the norm and neednot be celebrated. What is then the motivation? Where can one get the energy? Looking ahead is important but its equally important to stand still and appreciate the now!

We are unfortunately living in a world of competition - a world where getting a job is only celebrated if its a well paying one or a big brand; a graduation is celebrated only if the person has won an award; a sportsman is celebrated only if he/she is a winner. Its all relative! Celebrating small things, milestones, achievements are important because they are like the sip of water that an athelete needs to run the marathorn. Celebrations make us grateful, celebrations make us smile and happy which is the fuel for the walk ahead.

So here's lifting all our glasses across the world to celebrate all the good times!

Run run as fast as you can

It seemed all to familiar. The situation, the conversations, the stirring, the anger, the tears, the sense of hope and well the comic element of it all. Has it really been two years or has time been standing still? Maybe its like a birthday, comes every year although it felt far from a birthday like moment. As she stood in front of the mirror her head full of questions, her eyes full of doubt and fear and her surroundings painfully quiet, she couldnt help but blame herself for falling prey to the same situation once again. What had she hoped for? that things would magically change or that the people involved would change? The scary part of it all was that the things had gotten more complex and the people more determined. In the last two years everything around her had changed, but she hadn't and this she found out at that very moment.

It was all going well or she had believed. The new gig was going well and when she had started out it was meant to be a break, an opportunity of giving life a new turn and a twist. Like most of her gigs she had only considered the good parts, the fun parts and the tough decisions had been pushed under the rug. All she had thought of was that like any other story her new beginning would lead down the garden path and things would unravel. Things had unravelled but there was nothing gardeny about it. It had led her back to the crossroad she had left behind and this time the paths were more distinct and there was really no way of return. Keya had told her, "you need to decide girl! you have to face the dragon!" She had just said"I know Keya, I realise, but how can I decide when Im not sure of what I want?". "Babe, take the plunge. Stop running around!". That was the last thing Keya said before she had boarded the flight to Never Never Land. Or thats what Keya called it.

How can someone want two contradictory things equally? Is it really possible that she could be that lost or that unrealistic? People take tough decisions all the time then why was it seeming like Sophie's choice to her! She had been looking for answers all through the last year! looking for them in movies, in books, on Facebook posts, messages from friends and well in divine enlightenment that had so far not struck. Waiting for life to take the call wasnt the best idea and neither was to wait and watch and keep all options open! So this was it. She looked into the mirror, wiped her tears, took a deep breath and made the call she had been dreading all her life.

"Hello! whats up, why are you calling so late in the night? Shall I call you back? Is all ok?". Too many questions and just what she dint need to confuse her further. She gathered all her courage and spoke calmly.. or with as much clam as her mind was allowing at that point.. "Yea all's ok.. I have made up my mind. Ive decided to go ahead with my plans and move. Il get the other gig Ive been talking about. Cant live like this anymore. Im 29 and I want more." There she'd said it. It felt more sure now that she had said it out loud. "Oh! come on. Dont be ridiculous. You're not moving. Thats a bad idea. We've discussed it. You are going to......". The rest of that call, she couldn't complete. It was just like how it always was. Decisive and domineering meets undecisive and confused. Its really a no brainer. Plus she knew what this was all about. It was about him! It had always been about him and the reality was he was no where there where he needed to be. She couldnt admit it was him.. not to herself and definitely not on call. So she hung up and looked into the mirror and this time she dint cry.

She went into the kitchen.. made some coffee.. turned on the television.. picked up her phone and sent a message.. 

The Black Swan

The black swan rests in all of us
Quiet but strong waiting for that moment..
That moment which turns our lives thus, never to be the same as before..
The black is out to kill..
It's anger has its own will
It will destroy all that lies in its way
Including the self, it can become a prey..
What rises thereafter can be a Phoenix.. It can also be the devil with no heart, no soul and definetly no mercy for any foe!
But truth be told the battle between the white and black is one between hate and compassion.. Hate has destroyed too much, it's thirst never quenches, it's victims never spared.. But compassion has power beyond hate! It's humility wakes in its stead.. Those who love fear nothing at all but those who hate have to fear it all.. So everytine the black tries to take over the white, take a deep breath and remind the heart to work faster than the mind..

An artist

Being an artist has its flaws
You don't look at life with simple laws
Every layer has yet another,
Every flavor has a topping or other
Even the sun and moon are more than stars
The heart and soul are worlds apart..
Being an artist does have its flaws
It makes simple complicated and complex not at all
But I do love being an artist and I do love all the flaws, after all it's the flaws that makes art worth it all

The Romanticism of pain

Today I had a thought... do we as humans love pain? we certainly find a lot of meaning and sense in it. It is believed that great music comes from great pain, the greatest painters and artists had some pain in life, writers and poets suffer immensely before great works are created. So is it really pain that keeps us going? Great romance looks for pain, is that why when things are going smoothly we wonder when its going to change and reality will start.

As a child I was always told that once you grow up you will value life and value the real world. Now that I have grown up, I realise the basic difference between childhood and adulthood is that as a child I used to run away from pain and now I romanticise it:) Isnt there something so romantic about pain? It must be because everywhere I look I see people trying to embrace it happily. There's something very real about pain, something that makes things it touches real. Everyone wishes for a happy ending but not much is said about a happy life. Not much is written about a happy journey, its valued lesser than a happy ending.

So what is so romantic about pain? Is it the the unexplained emotions that brings out who we truly are? When a person is happy he/she is at their best self. He/she is smiling, positive and carries the vibe of joy which makes everything and everyone around them happy as well. But sadness is a whole different game. It can bring out the best in us or expose our weakest self. All dark emotions like jealously, envy, revenge, hatred have a hint of sadness in it. Is that why pain is so powerful? I am still to meet an artist, a writer, painter, musician who has not had a painful chapter in their story. There seems to be a connection between pain and romance and a bond between reality and pain.

The romance of pain is an intriguing concept. It makes me wonder whether pain is what binds us together because if there was no pain there would be no true identity.