28 and close to 29, life at this junction can be a pattern or an abberation. For me, most unexpectedly it has turned out to be an abberation. Girls of my age by this junction in life are usually at marriedville, babystation or coupletown. Especially for girls from my culture, we grow up waiting to get married and it almost feels that everything else in life is a like a hobby till one finds the supposedly better half of oneself. Some may say this is the cynical side of me speaking and I honestly wont deny it as being a single girl who is trying to understand why her four year relationship never worked out, is just finishing her second masters and living partly off dad and partly off loan, with parttime work and no real clarity of what comes next, I would judge myself if I wasnt cynical.
But this is more than being just single or unmarried.. its about being an abberation not just to society but even among peers. Its about living each day with unfound courage and belief that tomorrow just might make more sense than today. Its about discovering a world for abberators, usually this world involves other single women trying to find their footing as well. Music, alcohol, drugs, sexuality can be an escape from reality but im not that brave and thus Im still trying to find my drug.
I realised I am an abberation when at parties other married women would look at me strangely if I was having an animated conversation with her husband or when I was being constantly told to enjoy my freedom whilst it lasted. The turning point for me was the second realisation that I minded being an abberation relatively and not absolutely. And at this point I did acknowledge that my abberation was my choice. I chose to do another masters and take a second chance at finding my passion and believe you me, I did. I found narrative research and writing which I can happily do and do it well for the rest of my life. I chose to try and work at a four year relationship cos I really loved the guy. I chose to leave my job and live partly off dad and partly off a loan because it would give me stronger wings to fly for the rest of my life. If all my life which is now an abberation has led me to where I am today, it really cannot be bad. And as I realise this I feel better about being an abberation.
So to all my fellow abberations, we only lose when we choose to and today I choose to accept that I am an abberation and in a good way!
But this is more than being just single or unmarried.. its about being an abberation not just to society but even among peers. Its about living each day with unfound courage and belief that tomorrow just might make more sense than today. Its about discovering a world for abberators, usually this world involves other single women trying to find their footing as well. Music, alcohol, drugs, sexuality can be an escape from reality but im not that brave and thus Im still trying to find my drug.
I realised I am an abberation when at parties other married women would look at me strangely if I was having an animated conversation with her husband or when I was being constantly told to enjoy my freedom whilst it lasted. The turning point for me was the second realisation that I minded being an abberation relatively and not absolutely. And at this point I did acknowledge that my abberation was my choice. I chose to do another masters and take a second chance at finding my passion and believe you me, I did. I found narrative research and writing which I can happily do and do it well for the rest of my life. I chose to try and work at a four year relationship cos I really loved the guy. I chose to leave my job and live partly off dad and partly off a loan because it would give me stronger wings to fly for the rest of my life. If all my life which is now an abberation has led me to where I am today, it really cannot be bad. And as I realise this I feel better about being an abberation.
So to all my fellow abberations, we only lose when we choose to and today I choose to accept that I am an abberation and in a good way!
