It seemed all to familiar. The situation, the conversations, the stirring, the anger, the tears, the sense of hope and well the comic element of it all. Has it really been two years or has time been standing still? Maybe its like a birthday, comes every year although it felt far from a birthday like moment. As she stood in front of the mirror her head full of questions, her eyes full of doubt and fear and her surroundings painfully quiet, she couldnt help but blame herself for falling prey to the same situation once again. What had she hoped for? that things would magically change or that the people involved would change? The scary part of it all was that the things had gotten more complex and the people more determined. In the last two years everything around her had changed, but she hadn't and this she found out at that very moment.
It was all going well or she had believed. The new gig was going well and when she had started out it was meant to be a break, an opportunity of giving life a new turn and a twist. Like most of her gigs she had only considered the good parts, the fun parts and the tough decisions had been pushed under the rug. All she had thought of was that like any other story her new beginning would lead down the garden path and things would unravel. Things had unravelled but there was nothing gardeny about it. It had led her back to the crossroad she had left behind and this time the paths were more distinct and there was really no way of return. Keya had told her, "you need to decide girl! you have to face the dragon!" She had just said"I know Keya, I realise, but how can I decide when Im not sure of what I want?". "Babe, take the plunge. Stop running around!". That was the last thing Keya said before she had boarded the flight to Never Never Land. Or thats what Keya called it.
How can someone want two contradictory things equally? Is it really possible that she could be that lost or that unrealistic? People take tough decisions all the time then why was it seeming like Sophie's choice to her! She had been looking for answers all through the last year! looking for them in movies, in books, on Facebook posts, messages from friends and well in divine enlightenment that had so far not struck. Waiting for life to take the call wasnt the best idea and neither was to wait and watch and keep all options open! So this was it. She looked into the mirror, wiped her tears, took a deep breath and made the call she had been dreading all her life.
"Hello! whats up, why are you calling so late in the night? Shall I call you back? Is all ok?". Too many questions and just what she dint need to confuse her further. She gathered all her courage and spoke calmly.. or with as much clam as her mind was allowing at that point.. "Yea all's ok.. I have made up my mind. Ive decided to go ahead with my plans and move. Il get the other gig Ive been talking about. Cant live like this anymore. Im 29 and I want more." There she'd said it. It felt more sure now that she had said it out loud. "Oh! come on. Dont be ridiculous. You're not moving. Thats a bad idea. We've discussed it. You are going to......". The rest of that call, she couldn't complete. It was just like how it always was. Decisive and domineering meets undecisive and confused. Its really a no brainer. Plus she knew what this was all about. It was about him! It had always been about him and the reality was he was no where there where he needed to be. She couldnt admit it was him.. not to herself and definitely not on call. So she hung up and looked into the mirror and this time she dint cry.
She went into the kitchen.. made some coffee.. turned on the television.. picked up her phone and sent a message..
It was all going well or she had believed. The new gig was going well and when she had started out it was meant to be a break, an opportunity of giving life a new turn and a twist. Like most of her gigs she had only considered the good parts, the fun parts and the tough decisions had been pushed under the rug. All she had thought of was that like any other story her new beginning would lead down the garden path and things would unravel. Things had unravelled but there was nothing gardeny about it. It had led her back to the crossroad she had left behind and this time the paths were more distinct and there was really no way of return. Keya had told her, "you need to decide girl! you have to face the dragon!" She had just said"I know Keya, I realise, but how can I decide when Im not sure of what I want?". "Babe, take the plunge. Stop running around!". That was the last thing Keya said before she had boarded the flight to Never Never Land. Or thats what Keya called it.
How can someone want two contradictory things equally? Is it really possible that she could be that lost or that unrealistic? People take tough decisions all the time then why was it seeming like Sophie's choice to her! She had been looking for answers all through the last year! looking for them in movies, in books, on Facebook posts, messages from friends and well in divine enlightenment that had so far not struck. Waiting for life to take the call wasnt the best idea and neither was to wait and watch and keep all options open! So this was it. She looked into the mirror, wiped her tears, took a deep breath and made the call she had been dreading all her life.
"Hello! whats up, why are you calling so late in the night? Shall I call you back? Is all ok?". Too many questions and just what she dint need to confuse her further. She gathered all her courage and spoke calmly.. or with as much clam as her mind was allowing at that point.. "Yea all's ok.. I have made up my mind. Ive decided to go ahead with my plans and move. Il get the other gig Ive been talking about. Cant live like this anymore. Im 29 and I want more." There she'd said it. It felt more sure now that she had said it out loud. "Oh! come on. Dont be ridiculous. You're not moving. Thats a bad idea. We've discussed it. You are going to......". The rest of that call, she couldn't complete. It was just like how it always was. Decisive and domineering meets undecisive and confused. Its really a no brainer. Plus she knew what this was all about. It was about him! It had always been about him and the reality was he was no where there where he needed to be. She couldnt admit it was him.. not to herself and definitely not on call. So she hung up and looked into the mirror and this time she dint cry.
She went into the kitchen.. made some coffee.. turned on the television.. picked up her phone and sent a message..
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